Approaching Mother’s Day

I can still remember it vividly.  A few years ago, Oilman and I went camping.  We happened to be next to a couple with their adopted daughter.  As the weekend progressed and we shared time over a campfire, they told us about their struggles to conceive.  The next day as we packed up our camper to leave, the husband stopped by our site.  He had been riding his bike on a trail and he felt the need to come see us, so he turned his bike around.  He felt overcome by the holy spirit that he was supposed to share that God had heard our prayers for a family.  I still think about that now and it brings me peace, because I know he has a plan.

For some who aren’t Christians, this may seem weird.  I know what he was feeling because it has happened to me before.  It is normally when a thought from out of nowhere pops into my head.  It is normally to do something for someone else and may seem weird or random.  I know it isn’t.  God uses other people for his purpose.

I think of the day at our camp site when days like May 10th approach.  For those of us with infertility, Mother’s Day is not a joyous one.  It is a reminder of what isn’t or what has been lost.  I also have peace, because good has come out of our path down infertility.  It has made me trust God more, to enjoy where I am, to be more compassionate towards others, to judge less, and love more.

In the next few weeks I am doing additional testing to ensure another IUI is a good choice for us.  To make sure that there wasn’t a specific reason for our miscarriage from the last IUI.  I am hopeful for a positive outcome and am ready to move forward with whatever our journey becomes.

Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans

My first piece for the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans was posted yesterday.  If you haven’t visited their site, it is a wealth of information on workouts, health, and wellness.  Like them on Facebook for lots of great information.  I will be contributing about twice a month to their site.

I wrote this after reading Andie Mitchell’s, “It was Me All Along”.  I really felt she added honesty to her weight loss struggles and the reality of weight maintenance.  We often read or hear about other’s weight loss successes and it appears that their life is perfect once a number was reached on the scale.  The truth is, life doesn’t work that way.

Check out, “What happens after we reach goal”.

The unknown and the easy road

Old ways wont open new doors 

Oilman had two more coworkers get laid off yesterday.  He is still thinking/guessing that he will have work until May or June, and then it is adios to a regular paycheck.  The oil and gas industry is a little rough right now.

 I find myself moving between being scared of the what ifs and unknowns while at the same time excited about the future.

I know that most likely this year won’t be easy.  I have no idea how long it will take the oil and gas to recover.  Many of his friends have been laid off for months now with no job options available.  I’m blessed to be married to a man who is innovative, hardworking, and great with people.  I know he will make something happen after he takes some much needed time off. 

 I have a sneaking suspicion that we will actually get pregnant when he is jobless.  It will probably be something crazy to like twins or triplets, BECAUSE THAT IS THE WAY LIFE WORKS. 

 The old me would’ve been freaking out by now.  I would be trying to devise a plan and hating the unknowns and change being thrown my way.  I still fight this, but we have been here before and it worked out well for us.  You can read more about that here.

M

Moving forward I’m thinking a couple of things:

  1. Focus on today.  I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month.  I can focus on today and make it awesome instead of worrying about what may or may not happen in the next 6 months.
  1. I came across my notes yesterday from a convention earlier this year, “In every transition, the devil will send us a feeling of fear.  Get ready.” This year will be a year of transition.  I am going to feel fear and I can choose to wallow in it or walk away from it.  Either way it will not change the outcome of our future.
  1. I’m thankful we planned for this type of event. We lived below our means and have been stashing away the majority of our income for the last 6 months.  I’m not sure we could’ve prepared for this situation any better.
  1. I know good will come out of this situation, but every once in a while I would like to find the easy road and just hang out there for a bit. The last few years have been filled with good things and many challenges like financial struggles, financial triumphs, infertility, miscarriage, job changes, etc.
  1. I’m starting to get really excited about the possibility that my husband will be home more than 10 days a month, albeit without pay and possibly temporarily. We may both take a month off and take the ‘ole RV for an epic road trip adventure.  I doubt we will have the opportunity to do this again any time soon.

Moving onward and trying not to freak out Jerry Maguire style.

Our purpose

I went to the lake on Sunday with my two dogs to enjoy the sunshine and spring weather.  While I was playing fetch with Boone (our golden retriever) a couple I didn’t know started taking pictures.  He asked me if I wanted any and emailed them to me this morning.  When I look at these pictures I see a dog who is doing what he absolutely loves.  This is a dog who is fulfilling his purpose and doing what he was bred to do.  The look on his face is pure joy and yet he is incredibly focused.

HSL_8995 flying dog

I have seen this in people sometimes in the way they live their lives, focused yet filled with joy.  I think this is what happens when we start living out our purpose.  This is what it looks like when we know we are supposed to make a difference and start doing something about it.

If you need further clarification on your purpose, I think this book is for you.  It is amazing at showing you things you may not have realized before using your experiences and your gifts.  We have all been shaped differently and are here to do our own thing in our little corner of the world.

Check out Restless by Jennie Allen.

Restless

It matters

I had a phone conversation yesterday with a family member where she told me she didn’t think her job and non-job activities were fulfilling her purpose.  She didn’t think she was helping enough people.  I think sometimes we get caught in a trap where we don’t feel like we can or do help enough people in our day to day activities.  We may feel that we can’t be doing good unless we are working in a third world country for a non-profit.  We may belittle the many things that we do each day or week with others in mind.  I don’t think it matters.  You can help others in whatever job you have and in many of our day to day activities.

If any of this strikes a chord with you, then I encourage you to read: Little Things Matter.  It is one of my latest posts from the Real Oilfield Wives.

We cannot do great things, only small (2)

When I tell you to go, you go

“I want to learn everything I can about real estate, before I sell anything”, my friend continued, “I’m going to take every class that I can, so that I feel more comfortable when I actually start working with buyers and sellers”.  I was chatting with an acquaintance at a continuing education class for real estate.  Her theory was noble, but the truth is you learn the most when you put your knowledge into action.  You will never be able to know everything without doing it.  Sometimes, you just have to jump in.

I think this happens to us a lot.  We see an opportunity or feel that God is pushing us into a certain direction and we get scared.  Fear immobilizes us and we shake our heads at God and tell him we aren’t ready.  We tell him we are just going to sit back and study it for longer, until we are more prepared, and then maybe do something about it.  We say something like, I think that I might possibly do something about this in the next six months, maybe even next year.  Then we do nothing.

I feel like this is happening to me right now.  A new opportunity is in front of me and I’m scared.  I feel like I’m not the best person for the job and there has to be someone better for it.  At the same time, I know this is all on purpose and it is something I’m supposed to do.  I’m going to do it.  I’m going to push past the fear and jump forward.  I’m not excited about how I will have to navigate as I go along and this means I will make mistakes.  It means I will probably look stupid doing it at times, but that just is what it is.

I read Jeremiah chapter 1* this morning.  In verse five, God tells Jeremiah that before he was born, he was chosen to speak to the nations.  In chapter six Jeremiah responds, “I’m not a good speaker, LORD, and I’m too young.”

We do this, don’t we?  I’m giving God excuses about why I can’t do the opportunity in front of me.

The LORD responded to Jeremiah in chapter 7, “Don’t say you’re too young,” the LORD answered.  “If I tell you to go and speak to someone, then go!  And when I tell you what to say, don’t leave out a word!  I promise to be with you and keep you safe, so don’t be afraid.”

Sometimes we need to stop trying to figure everything out and just go.  We don’t need to question God’s decision making or our ability.  There are times when God has us wait and pray and wait and pray.  Verse 7 was not one of those times.  In verse 7, I imagine that God is talking to Jeremiah in a loving, but loud and stern voice, “When I TELL YOU TO GO, YOU GO!”  Parents know what this is like when their children do not understand the urgency of the situation.  How many times has this exact conversation happened in living rooms or kitchens between a parent and a child?

It might be time to stop with our excuses and just listen to GOD.  Is he telling you to get up and go?  Then you might want to get up off the couch and get started.

*Passage used was Jeremiah 1:4-8, Contemporary English Version

Living it up in Gonzales (Come and Take it!!)

“Yeah boss, I can come in Saturday instead of Sunday”, Oilman said during his phone conversation.

My heart sunk.  I thought we had one more day together before Oilman began his 20 day hitch.  That had changed in a 2015-03-15 17.57.37-1heartbeat.   The current job climate in the oilfield is one where if you are asked to come in a day early, you do it.  If you don’t, someone else will.  If you don’t, then maybe that puts you on the next round of job layoffs.  As Oilman hung up the phone, I started crying.  He needed to go in, but it didn’t mean that I liked it.  He looked at me, wiped my tears, held my hand, and said, “how about you stop crying and just come visit me in the trailer instead.”

So I did.

Sometimes people wonder why I don’t come live with my husband wherever he is working.  We’ve thought about it, but it didn’t seem like the best fit.  I have an established real estate business with a 10 year client list at home.  We also live in the same town we are both from.  Between our family and friends, we have a huge s2015-03-15 17.19.01-1upport system.  When Oilman is on a hitch, working is all he does.  A 12 hour shift, safety meeting, and a 30 minute to 1 hour commute one-way doesn’t leave a lot of quality time in the day.  Plus, he works nights half the time and days the other half.

It worked perfectly to come down and stay.  I have my computer to work remotely and no client appointments.  Oilman is working daylights (no night shift).  Normally daylights have a way of being longer than a 12 hour shift, but not this time.  I’m spending about 5 days here in the booming metropolis that is Gonzales, TX and enjoying the rarity that is quality time while Oilman is working.  It is a win-win.  Gonzales has its own special place in Texas history.  You can read about it here, if you are curious.

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It has been nice to get away from it all.  I haven’t had a TV on.  I spend time outdoors walking or playing fetch with the dogs.  I’m going to start a book this afternoon after I get my work done.  It is nice just living simply for a few days.

AND I’m avoiding the nation of hipsters that have settled over Austin, TX for SXSW.

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